Of course, I couldn’t disclose my secret fears to her because she’s pregnant. Neither could I to anyone else for I will be looked down upon for the father I was going to be or even for the man I was. Even if I share with someone, I will be counter-attacked, “You are going to be a dad, become responsible.” Thus, while my wife, the family and the extended families celebrated the good news, at a secret corner of my heart, I was afraid if everything is going to be alright.
Starting from the 1st of June until the 18th of June, I am plunging into a bold attempt in bringing to light, the emotions behind being a father. I say bold because I shall leave behind the superior tag of a ‘mother’ to explore the deepest secrets of fatherhood.
I have slept on the sofa with a book on my head and lights turned on till the next morning. There were days when we skipped meals, forgot all about food or simply didn’t care about eating. Once, dinner didn’t strike us until 11 pm. We had to search for late night home delivery food services and finally the pizza boy knocked our door at 12. I wouldn’t proudly justify that I lived my life the way I wanted to. As a matter of fact, I lived without a way to do it then. Life before motherhood didn’t have a structure. It didn’t have a system. It had most of the essential ingredients of life. Yet, it wasn’t right somewhere.
“Sorry ma,” he said, with an apprehension of whether his sorry would get accepted. In a moment’s time, I came back to my calm-self. Waiting for this signal from me, he jumped onto my lap and hugged me tight. “I will be a good boy,” his voice echoed into my ears. What magic in this warmth!
She gave us our name. It’s time we made her a part of it!
This Mother’s Day add your mom’s name to yours on Facebook, Twitter or WhatsApp and give her what’s #RightfullyHers
I don’t know if we began somewhere or if we will ever end somewhere. Again the eternity of it doesn’t matter.
Which sounds right? Curse it and wear it as a burden? Or keep it away and regard it as sacred? I know I did the right thing!