We are coming to a close in our A to Z relationship series on my blog. This would be my last post for the series, and the next (the last) one is going to be the experiences of real lives from interesting people.
Coincidentally, as the year is coming to a close too, I’ve been reflecting on various elements that make my life at the moment. And one thing, which left me feeling strange was how similar H and I are in several of our thoughts, and at the same time how different we are in several others. The former makes me feel glad of how easy it is for us to get along and the latter shocks me how we even made to this long in marriage 🙄
The yin and the yang in our personalities exist, as it does in all love relationships. Practically speaking, in our everyday lives, we are not going to make a list of all of it to consciously focus on which part of each other’s personalities we spend our energies into. Yet, sub-consciously we continue to.
When H announces that the car keys aren’t on the key holder just when we are ready to leave, my reaction to pull out the existing and even non-existing flaws in his responsibility, discipline and habits issues, don’t seem to change. In a scenario where he expects me to search the keys with him to set the situation right, I continue to stick to my routine blaming and pinpointing to the source of the issue. I may argue, “Placing the key in the key holder is a simple habit, isn’t it?” According to him, it could be, “Isn’t this a too trivial thing to open an argument about?”
In some situations, sometimes, neither is right or wrong. As a matter of fact, the issue is not even about who is right or wrong. Yet, the depth of our habituation to repeat a certain way of our thought processing, words and behaviour speak for how we treat each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
Even though I make this wise statement here, I am sure I am not going to remember it every other day for the rest of my life. I am also sure that sooner or later, I’ll get back to the old rut of expectation-disappointment-anger-dissatisfaction-wisdom.
Marriages aren’t free of this cycle!
It’s so easy to decide on being kind and considerate with H one minute and immediately, the next minute I see something lying around that can upset me, and my decision disappears magically. I don’t think I can come to believe that two people can live together without expectations, well unless one or both has reached a certain level spiritually. So, there are going to be disappointments which either you brush it off or carry on with you. Even after H finds the car keys, it is up to me if I want to forget what he did, or continue to think and react to it throughout our drive.
This, precisely, is where I see marriages soar or sour!
The yin and the yang lives in every home. There can be even two yangs and two yins living together. That is, two non-yielding people living together or two subdued persons making a marriage together – and it isn’t a fault. Perhaps, it is possible for any two people to make peace with their marital life, provided they acknowledge the yin and yang natures of one another.
What we constantly need is a break – a break from the cycles and routines that keep ruling us. Re-inventing ourselves – our emotions and projections – is one of the keys to bring peace to marital homes.
If this strikes a chord with your relationship, slow down; think about the patterns which you both keep repeating to each other which is crushing your marriage. And remember, sometimes, we have to come to terms that somethings are never going to change, and it is futile to be dissatisfied over what is not in our hands.
With this post, I sign off from the series. This whole A to Z series was worth doing, for I came to introspect much on my personal relationships. I hope the last post for Z is going to be interesting with different perspectives on relationships.
Header Image – Yin-Yang wedding, by Liz Roze
Quote on Marriage – golfian.com
You may want to read the other posts in the A to Z series: