Last week one day, H woke up thoughtful. He had met his ex-crush in his dream! That brought him to the kitchen in the early hours narrating with a new enthusiasm about his dream. And the discussion led us asking ourselves how it would be if life gave us a second chance; if we could go back to our pre-wedding days and get to re-choose a partner of our choice 😉
Now that it has been a few years in marriage, you are aware of its ups and downs. Perhaps, there’s more clarity in what you look for in a partner though it may not mean anything after you’ve come this far. If you go back to read the post, A for Attraction – Why we fall in for Who we fall in? it will make much sense or no sense at all, depending upon how you feel with your spouse.
If you feel sad that you shall not get a second chance in life or if you are actively searching for your ex’s FB profile, it underlines the fact that you are going through the midlife reflection process. Well, I wouldn’t call it a crisis; it might be not actually a crisis. Rather, you begin to assimilate everything that has happened so far with respect to love and relationship in your life. Your wife may not mean the same what she meant to you ten years before. Your relationship has undergone considerable evolution that the two versions of her seem unrelated. And perhaps, you feel you could have swapped her for someone else you knew. Or, you are still glad that she was the best that happened to your life. Over the years, there could have been love, fights and misunderstandings between the two of you; however, if there is a point when you reach to reflect upon whether you made the right choice of partner or not, it is now – the midlife!
I am here in life now – 35, Married, 2 kids!
When I was in my 20s, it felt like there was a whole life ahead packed with bountiful time and opportunities. My 20s were so promising and so eventful that it felt as if I shall never reach my 30s and all those people of 30+ then seemed quite old, having lost, may be, their glamour in the mundane life of family and kids. I really wasn’t sure what I expected in my future husband then but I was hopeful when he comes things will fall in place with serendipity’s grace. And when, one day, I stepped into my 30s, it felt incredibly bad. After all, all that youth, salad days, springtime of life – is now a thing of the past. When I saw young people in their 20s, I was seriously jealous. Needless to say, I was married then, already into the mundane life of family and kids and was struggling to come to terms to living a married life.
Five years now into the 30s, I feel to have evolved a step higher than where I was at 30. Not that marriage is about being on cloud nine now but I am contend with where I am and with who I am. If I have rightly reflected upon my midlife, there can be no right partner in our lives. The story I had started with – about H’s dream and our discussion – ended with me declaring that I would never yearn for a second chance and that I truly don’t believe there could have been someone better for me. If I had married someone else, may be I could be living in another place with another man but yet marriage would still have had its ups and downs. And any man, for that matter, would still have his good and bad sides.
Laziness is a small word for H’s laziness. He can sit at one place and get things done for him by others by his sheer logical demands. And I don’t even have a count of to how many people I must have whined about his lethargy. To relate to my background to have known for laziness back at mom’s home before marriage, H and I made a deadly combination after marriage. When I would crib, “I don’t know what to cook for dinner,” I used to mean I don’t want to do dinner. He will cleverly answer, “Anything would do,” which meant he doesn’t care what gets cooked but he can’t be the one to take the responsibility for dinner. Certainly, living with this man was no fun! However, when I look outside from the everyday life, into the big picture of marriage, I realize how trivial one particular nature of a person can be to relationships. He definitely weighs a ton when it comes to being gentle in thoughts, actions and touch. If sub-consciously he has attracted me for something, it would be for his clean habits and matured, responsible circle of friends – something I had missed to see in men while growing up. Yes, they have occasional beer party when the wives flee to moms’ places; even then I am glad it doesn’t happen uninformed, atleast what I assume 😉 And the most important of all, he has never once interfered in what I wear, where I go or what I do.
If each of us can reflect upon our better halves, we shall dig such nice things we like about them, but which probably goes unveiled behind the layers of everyday routines, blame games and failing to value the worth of long-time establishments. When your midlife soon finds you reflecting upon your partners, remember the grass is always greener the other side and you are the only one on your side to see the beauty of your territory. If you fail to do it, that’s when midlife reflection turns to midlife crisis.
Doesn’t it feel the Mr. & the Mrs. have come a long way up until here? With this, half of the AtoZ series is done. And from the next post, I will have to foresee future, imagine and collect stories because they will be yet-to-cross phases in my personal life. Fingers crossed!
Image Credit – The Love Compass
Other posts in the A to Z series: