As I contemplate on relationships, I come to visualize three critical ‘lines of control’, at different stages in an affair. Eventually, most lasting relationships step across each one of these at some point. And the fact is, once the lines of control are crossed, the chemistry between the couple changes its shape which is inevitably, irreversible. And there can be no going back to the other side of the line ever!
Evolving: Butterflies to Commitment
Butterflies need not necessarily signal a serious relationship. Like the crush I was talking about in the previous post, it could be a fleeting emotion with no long-term bent. However, it could also possibly sign a prospective romantic pursuit.
In the latter case, by this time, you would want to slowly peep out of the secrecy. Perhaps, you’ve reached a stage where it feels compelling to let the person know what you feel. You’ve all along thrown open compliments and have given enough cues to confess how attractive he/she is to you. However, now, prolonged butterflies seem suffocating because the uncertainty of its destiny, spills insecurity within you.
Yes, you’ve decided to speak up – to get down on one knee.
I would stamp this juncture as the first line of control!
It requires a lot of courage. Period. Because for one, you may have to hear what you don’t want to hear and second, that one moment when once crossed is irrevocable. If the former happens, then you cannot play your old butterfly self again, ever! She might have laughed at your jokes and she might have blushed at your open admirations; however, when you fire your proposal, she might act shocked, she may say she never imagined this from you and she may treat you like a traitor. She might be lying, you might know that, she might know that too. But you cannot do anything about it. That one moment can make you a king or a fool. You choose – to cross the line of control or not – to face the momentary fear of failure, or a lasting fear of regret.
As it may be the case, she, on the other possibility, might be glad that you could open it up finally – the greener side, I mean. It had to happen one day and it did at last. You both could take deep breathes at last. And the chaos of uncertainty gets a signal to settle a-t-l-a-s-t.
Commitment – that you two shall begin a special relationship which can potentially give way to a marital affair!
Contrary to how movies project this moment to be a ‘flying in the air’ moment, in reality it could be one of the ‘heavy at heart’ moments to many. It could be absolutely unbelievable. It could be pleasantly shocking. It could be intensely emotional. It could be deeply satisfying. It could be presumably blank. Your happily ever after doesn’t start right away. You are close, yet not so close. You don’t drink from the same straw yet, though you are eligible to. The subtle hesitation to do or not to do and to say or not to say is yet another new species of butterfly. That moment, that beginning is the most powerful unfolding in a relationship!
For now, all that you feel is, the best is yet to happen.
Other posts in the A to Z series:
Header image credit: The Sun
Couple hands together: Shutterstock