There have been times when I have had no involvement in my life. During those years when my parents were hunting for a groom for me (you will understand if you’ve been through the arranged marriage galatta in India), I began to watch animation movies, hoping some animation will come into my days. The disconnect between the man of dreams and the men that bharat matrimony displayed was too much to bear. I have gone to the depths of boredom that I explored several philosophical and occult realms of humanity like yoga, spirituality, past lives, healing and energies. (I am glad now that I did them prior to having kids 🙂 ) Like all dejected humans, I was searching for my anchor – according to Thesaurus, an anchor is something that is used to hold another thing securely – and I was searching what would hold me securely with life.
And one day, the prince found the way to my home!
Travel, adventures, food, fun, love – married life went well. But when I asked myself, if I really found an anchor in marriage, I was doubtful. Yes, marriage gives a feeling of emotional security, it gives that status in society, it gives that good feeling when you upload your couple photographs on facebook, but will it feel absolutely blissful for the rest of the years with just the two of you?
Are there more anchors to life then?
From the time those two pink lines appeared on my home pregnancy test, things began to turn differently. I’ve began to realize that we don’t need anchors to life at all and that we don’t need to be secured to life at all. Isn’t living after all liberating ourselves from life?! That’s exactly what motherhood did in my life – liberation!
In the process of experiencing a little life forming in me, begetting a tiny human form, nurturing and looking after him every second, the boredom, the void and the uncertainty disappeared from my life. It definitely isn’t that getting engaged with something else busier in life that the boredom, void and uncertainty vanished. Becoming a mother isn’t a mechanical feeling. It’s a touching feeling when your little one who had no recognition of anything around him at birth, has bonded enough to call you ‘Amma’ one day; when your baby comes running to you to give you a peck on your cheeks; when you slowly watch him turn over, crawl, sit up and finally see him take his first step all by himself.
If you’ve experienced any of these, you will agree that becoming a parent is Soulful!