Until my son was around 1.8 years, I worked from home for two full-time jobs and looked after home without a maid or a care taker for my son. However, when he reached two, I had to quit both my jobs in addition to hire a maid for a couple of chores. That’s when exactly the higher forms of motherhood frustrations began.
My son could walk and run but my eyes need to be on him every now and then. He could understand what peeing and pooping is but I was to be there for every round. He could strew things around, he could pour water into chutney, he could pull out all the neatly-folded clothes from the wardrobe, he could mess with…….this is an endless list! And I was to be there for every small and big thing! It’s not just being there; it’s being there with patience and understanding that he’s a child, with the care to give him freedom to learn and grow, with the responsibility to maintain home and things neat and nice and with carrying a few close-to-heart dreams and passions, hoping to meet them.
Being a millennial mom, I can’t see myself as a woman who washed clothes, raised kids, fed the family and reached old age. On one side, there are these little ones who are dependent on me for a BIG everything and the other side there’s this woman in me who is trying hard to catch up with her twenty’s identity or at least a little of herself. I am not afraid of balancing both but I am afraid I can do it without letting frustration in, well at least once in a while when the threshold alarm beeps and I need to snooze it until for the next alarm.
Frustration is not just one of the emotions of motherhood; it’s like an attestation from a government gazetted officer that you went through motherhood.
I find it hard to recall what I was doing during all those pre-mommy years. I had all my time for myself. I could sit idly looking at the walls and I could yawn and still decide not to sleep. Man! I could have easily written one blog post a day which I am struggling to do now, publishing just a few seconds before 12 midnight every day.
Life is no more the same. As a matter fact, I don’t think it can ever be the same again!