The family was getting ready for the new arrival. The most important preparation this time was to make my son get ready to welcome his sibling.
He was explained that the baby can come out of mom’s tummy anytime soon. He was informed that mom will have to stay back in the hospital for a while and he was also instructed how to carry himself when mom will be away. It all seemed done.
Least did I realize then that it was actually me who wasn’t prepared for ‘something’!
The eventful day arrived. By evening, the rosy baby girl arrived too. However, I hadn’t yet identified the ‘something’ that I wasn’t prepared for. As night was nearing, I sensed that something was disquieting my being. Soon, when it was time for the family to leave home for the night, I knew I was nearly nearing the ‘something’ moment. Finally, when I heard my son say, “Bye, Amma” holding his dad’s hand and ready to leave, I felt that ‘something’ falling apart in me, flowing down as tears.
It was to be the first night my little boy will be away from me since he was born. And I wasn’t prepared for it!
Over the years, as we grow, we learn to survive without the physical presence of those with whom we grew up with – our parents, siblings and old friends. And then arrives these tiny beings into our lives with whom we form new connections, a little stronger than anything before. In years, the attachment becomes so binding that we don’t get a chance to realize its tenacity. And one day, when life gives us a chance, it feels shattering.
That was what the ‘something’ did to me the day my girl was born. And I finally identified the ‘something’ as the void his absence left me. The void when the older one slipped from my hand over-powered the joy of holding my younger one. Of course, it wasn’t going to be a long time before I would meet him again, yet it wasn’t justifying the emotion of the moment when he disappeared out of my sight. Perhaps, this is the most intense of all the emotions I’ve experienced as a mother – Attachment!
Sometimes, when I yearn for a few hours of off from looking after them and when it does happen, I yearn to be back with them in no time. Sometimes, when I breathe a sigh of relief after they are asleep, having waited for it for several hours, all that I like to do is watch them sleep. There’s an emptiness in their absence – even while they sleep!
Well, I wouldn’t glorify this parental attachment as exclusive to mothers alone for fathers too are equally bound to experience it.
While attachment to our children is a beautiful emotion that lays the foundation for their secured bonding with life, on the other side, I would label it as the biggest challenge of motherhood. After my sister left home for college, I’ve seen my mom getting emotional every time she spoke about her to someone. It took several months before she could regain balance. As how we learn to survive without the other significant relationships, we eventually learn it with our children, as well. It’s said, for a mother, the last karmic bond to break herself free from the earthy existence is that with her children. And all that summed up at the end of my contemplation on it is, it’s an instinctive phenomenon and no preparation can in reality prepare for it.
Does ‘attachment’ remind you of a fond memory with your little ones? Please share in the comments below.