At 9 pm, he announces the meeting he has to attend the next day. That means his white shirt lying in the laundry bin needs to be washed. Yes, by me! He can buy the right washing machine wisely; he can master the manual perfectly; he can fix it up efficiently – but adamantly remains ignorant of the washing process. When I am away from home for a week, he would have emptied the whole of his closet, up to the last underwear because switching on that junk machine, adding detergent and clothes is predestined for the woman of his life.
Back at mom’s place, I hardly bothered to clear the dining table after dinner or place my clothes in the wardrobe. Mom was just there for everything! However, with marriage and living independently, I have coped up well without difficulty. In no time, I could possibly do all that my mom did at home. Do we also inherit this? I am surprised!
I am not a feminist, (though I have hundreds of complaints against men :D) but men overlooking work at home has been an unending debate in my mind since marriage.
A question I often put forward to H at home is, “Why is it always me?” And H has never had an answer to this; NEVER! Not that he intends to make me responsible for all the chores at home but he simply is inexperienced in taking up such tasks.
Perhaps, most women born after the 80s, struggle to see their men relax on the couch while they are required to look after home. My mom did not expect my dad to move a glass at home. Even while she is down with viral fever, she would voluntarily get up to make coffee for my dad.
Certainly, gone is that era on Earth!
Now, let’s analyze a little!
Who were H and I to begin with?
Like how he led a prince life at his home, I too lived a royal princess life, at my home. Simply because, moms were there for everything!
What happens when these two people come together to make a new home independently?
As by the unwritten social law, family law and in-laws’ law, I must master the home science overnight. By the same family law, H needs to relax after office work, regardless of his office work involving an hour of facebooking, an hour of whatsapping, an hour of lunch and an hour of team outing.
What H thinks about it?
Yes, i…i.i…i…..i….ttttttt i..i..i.i.i..i……ssssssssss……ss….ooooo…., b….u.u…….t.t………All that men wish, is to get the work at home done by somebody other than him and most importantly without a word of complaint reaching his ears.
In to what state does this unwritten law push me to?
From, “Why is it always me to attend to the baby’s cry?” to “Why is it always me to clean the mess after dinner?”, a series of “Why is it always me?” gets questioned day in and day out. And H really doesn’t have an answer. If at all he is threatened to respond, it will be, “Why do you bother to do all the work?” or “I am tired from work. Shouldn’t I relax for a while?” or “Give me thirty minutes. I will do.”
And there begins the disaster!
At the end, I Blame. I Complain. I Scold. I Yell. I Threaten. I Whine. And I spoil H’s peace because he couldn’t hear what the judge remarked about the crab curry in the master chef programme on TV.
Who should be rightly blamed?
Neither of the two!
It’s the family law that needs to be hanged.
Our moms and grandmoms did not think of asking these questions to the men of their generation. Perhaps, because most women of their generation did not work away from home whereas our’s is almost the first generation where for the greatest part, women work full time in an office. That is why, today, this struggle between men and women taking care of home, seems significant.
Well, is there a solution?
Yes. Break the Family Law!
Hs can be tamed a little towards doing home chores; only a little! For most part, the men of our generation will remain this way. With the family laws instilled deeply in them, there is not going to be a big change. Unless we as women, realize this, neither will we stop our blaming, complaining, scolding, yelling, threatening, whining and weeping.
Hence, breaking the family law remains the only solution. Even if we fail to help ourselves, we can certainly be of help to the little girls of today who shall become women in another twenty years. Yes, I mean the next generation! We, the women of today, amidst fighting today’s reality, carry the responsibility to tame the men of future.
- Raise sons and daughters with the same privileges. Both genders would understand then that one is not superior to the other.
- Make both equally learn to wash their own dishes, make their own breakfast and wash their own clothes.
- When you talk to them about their future, take additional care to bring into their imagination that they work together with their partners to look after their future dream homes.
- Remind them their generation needs to be more responsible than their parents’.
- And think of all other parenting ways to include home in every boy’s mind without taking it away from the girl’s, at the same time.