Its never going to get any simpler than this!
Kindly excuse me for this complicated arithmetic title. It was again an input from Nabeel (that means am not responsible for the complication 😆 ) though he is strict about no free services next time 😦
Hey all, this is yet another tale from my He-She club! (Do check this link to a previous post if this club isn’t familiar to you).
When some men use this phrase ‘I’ve got caught’ to refer to something where a woman is involved, it used to leave me curious to know what they mean exactly by got caught. So, the other day, I had put out this one question to my He club:
‘Tell me, what in a woman makes you feel torturous’
And whoa! – the fun and fire which followed was terrible. In fact a young He went emotionally turbulent, blurting his heart out and the senior members had to control him telling ‘It’s ok man, you are not the only one’. But trust me, the senior Hes sounded really established enough in the wars against their Shes, be it from any source – Mother’s, Girl Friend’s, Wife’s and sadly even Daughter’s 😮
Well guys, come, listen to what might be burning deep inside most of the He’s hearts and what they have to tell you too to make you feel that you are not the only one 😐
Torture # 1: ‘Gabbing’ – What is she really talking about?
If you are just married after a 3 year-long courtship and if you happen to hear her say ‘I wish I never met you’ – well, your breathing might come to a halt for a while 😯
It’s 2 years after marriage and during one of those cyclonic phases (yeah, cyclone for you), she utters again ‘I wish I never met you’, you might give a deep sigh 😦
And it’s 2 years since your cutie was born and another cyclone brings to your ears ‘I wish I never met you’, you are now breathing as normal as always 😀
The Hes: It’s all just about a matter of time, guys, to understand that you really don’t have to understand what she’s talking about.
Torture # 2: ‘Blaming’ – See, it can never be her fault!
The possible reasons that her new red saree lost colour after the first wash are:
a. She asked you if she should buy this saree that day in the shop and you nodded (which she took for a ‘yes’).
b. Your poor parking skills which prevented her to visit the showroom which Kamala aunty had strongly recommended.
c. You were not patient enough that day to search for the right (10th) shop.
d. She told you to buy Whirl pool washing machine but you bought IFB.
e. All of the above (when the repetition mode gets switched on).
The Hes: I know your blood boils and you want to tear that saree into pieces (which had already made you drive left, right, straight, right, u-turn and at last crazy on that devastating shopping day) and above all, had red-stained your ONLY good-looking sky blue shirt which she is not even bothered about 👿
Right now her saree is more important to her. And she absolutely cannot take the regret and blame on herself for choosing this one though she had ACTUALLY liked the blue saree in the previous shop 😡 So treat yourself unimportant and keep quiet 😥
Torture # 3: ‘Doubting’ – Why unfortunately her intuition is so strong!
You come back home on a Sunday afternoon after a cricket match and there is a questionnaire kept ready for you.
Where were you?
Where was the match?
Why did it take this long?
When did the others leave?
Can you find out that these questions were actually framed to target one big question – Is it true that you really went to play cricket?
The Hes: During those initial days, your dumb brain catches the target question only after you have answered the first 5 questions. And that’s when you start feeling guilty for being honest 😥
Sadly, it takes many attempts inside the witness-box, defending yourself in this oral examination. You keep failing in this examination badly until one day when you learn to hit a safe side goal – pretend yourself being tired and irritated as you enter home – to make her think you are really tired and irritated but mind it she will only postpone the exam date, don’t mistake it for cancellation 😆
Torture # 4: ‘Crying’ – No water scarcity for this!
Especially the only-son syndrome of Indian moms has no heights. You cannot ride a bike because she says ‘you are my only son and if something happens to you, then….’, she lets out her weapon rolling on her cheeks and what can you do?
The Hes: You better walk your whole life! 😯
You cannot fall in love because she says ‘you are my only son and I have had so many dreams about you….’, she lets out her weapon rolling on her cheeks again and what can you do?
The Hes: You better control your hormones! 😥
Torture # 5: ‘Nagging’ – She enjoys this one more than losing weight!
12 balls to go, 13 runs to win. The thrill grips you and you cannot take your eyes off from Star sports.
But it makes no sense to her. All that she wants you to do is switch off the TV at once to fix the leaking tap. She had been telling you for 2 weeks to fix it. And what did the lazy bug in you reply? ‘Yes, tomorrow. Yes, tonight’. And now you absolutely deserve being caught by the neck at the right time 👿
The Hes: But beware! When you hear those unbearable adjectives – fit for nothing, irresponsible, her favourite ‘I wish I never met you’, your ego will tend to give up and fulfill Newton’s third law of motion at once – to switch off and fix the tap.
These are the times you will have to act with a high escape velocity. Act standing and moving across the living room during the ads and try screaming back to keep her busy nagging. It’s after all few more minutes. The leaking tap can wait until India wins, isn’t?
I can relate this as well – when my mom hears the Windows start-up music, she comes running to prevent me doing the big crime of sitting in front of my system – this sound somehow stimulates her to nag me to clean the trash, dry the clothes, dust my desk, arrange my wardrobe and poor me knows she’s coming and there’s no place to run 😥
Torture # 6: ‘Shopping’ – She’s a history!
‘What I want is a yellow earing matching for my yellow saree, which should have an outer hollow yellow ring with an inner gold solid ring with a tiny pearl in the centre’.
‘No……..this yellow is too dark. That one’s ……outer ring has big radius. This one …. would have been perfect if the pearl could have been at the centre. Ok, forget it. At least show me green earrings with a silver square inside a green rhombus….and another…. and another……never mind!
Well, she wants an earring. All other geometry went into gaseous state over his head – yes, the shop walla’s!
And there comes a time when finally 3 gets short-listed. The first is expensive – rejected! The second one somehow not feeling like – rejected! The third, heart saying no – rejected!
The Hes: And at last the shop walla gives ME a stare 😥
We don’t have to explain the whys, whats and hows about this particular torture – so much unexplainable! We have tried many a time to get into their brains to see the picture of their dream dresses, dream earrings, dream handbags and the worst of all – their dream slippers. Remember this – you can never get to that destination, so never ever risk yourself to board.
Torture # 7: ‘Drama’ – Apparently hidden in her!
How to act and what to act had been going on and on in her head for the whole of the day. The minute you enter home, the play starts. And it’s a combo pack of tortures # 1 to # 5 😯
The Hes: We know how it feels! But falling a prey to the drama should be done at your own risk. What we suggest is when God has gifted you 2 ears, why worry? Just practice to make the output tools more stronger than the receiving antenna 😆
Torture # 8: ‘Decision’ – has no meaning in her dictionary!
This picture explains it all! Deciding and re-deciding and re-re-deciding………..and after it’s all decided, they regret the decision 🙄
The Hes: Their brain settings cannot be changed. You only have to react like a wall – yes, like a WALL because any kind of reaction at those times could turn a disaster for yourselves 😥
You all know what? The female chauvinists around me are already heated up seeing me writing something like this. So for my personal safety, I better stop it here 😕
Girls, by this post, I do not intend you all to make a change. Never do that, otherwise guys can never understand what tough times will feel like 😈
And for all you guys, the one last piece from the Hes – Accept, acknowledge and move forward! Some gifts in life are given to us by force and we have no choice 😎
Well, I paused for a moment to think if the same can be written for men. N-o-t p-o-s-s-i-b-l-e! Because the list will be unending 😆 C’,mon after all I am a girl 😉
What Women Want – www.authorkjreed.com
The Female Brain – www.fanaticfahmi.blogspot.com
Decision Making – www.allfunny-stuff.com